I'm really in a quandry. My apartment is a complete disaster area. I have been trying to get it cleaned, although I can only work for about 10 or 15 minutes before I'm completely wiped out and have to rest. I did finally work out a system where I work as long as I can and then set the timer on the microwave for 10 minutes. That's usually enough rest time, but having the timer go forces me to get back up to turn it off so I get back to working rather than getting involved in something on the computer or knitting.
The trouble is that there's a lot of stuff that needs to be thrown away. Much of it should probably be recycled, but that's even harder to manage. The problem is that in order to get to the dumpster, I have to climb stairs and I can't climb the stairs with things in my hands. I have to hold on to the railing or I'm likely to fall. I'm seriously afraid to even attempt to go up the stairs without holding on.
I've asked Jim to do it and he says that I just need to put it near the door, but then he doesn't think about it when he comes home. He's been working so much -- he leaves home at 4:30am and hasn't come home until nearly 8:00pm every day for the past week -- that I don't want to nag him about it. He takes care of the regular day-to-day garbage without being asked, probably because it gets to the point where he doesn't have any place to put his coffee grounds in the morning.
It's getting to the point of being like those overly-cluttered places that you see on the news or in movies with crazy old people. I've never been like my mom whose house is almost scarily clean, but it's getting to me now. I'm starting to get depressed. Claustrophobic. And I can't forget even for a minute that the days when I was able to do just about everything on my own are gone, probably forever. Coming to terms with my own limitations is really hard.
No matter what I do, I'm afraid I'm going to hurt Jim. Nagging him hurts him. If I do it on my own, or at least try to, he'll feel guilty for not doing it. I could, I suppose, find a "handyman" sort of person and pay him to come in and do it, but that would make Jim feel bad, too. Above all, the last thing in the world I want to do is to make Jim feel bad in any way. He has been so good to me and he works so hard that the thought of adding any more of a burden to him of any kind is unacceptable.
So I'm pretty much between a rock and a hard place. Good thing he doesn't read my blog. :-)
2 months ago
5 comments:
Have you tried just sitting down and communicating the problem with him? Ask him if it would help if you hired someone and let him know that you appreciate everything he does, but it's getting to be more than either of you can handle.
Honest communication is the key to everything. :)
Last night I gently mentioned that I really had to have things done. He said that he should have a day off this weekend, so he would do it then. I may have to do some gentle reminders.
You know us Libras, though. We run away from anything that remotely smacks of confrontation. :-)
Yes, I know you Libras well. ;-) I've been teaching my Libra the gentle art of communication and how sitting and talking things out doesn't necessarily amount to confrontation. I've also learned that if I need to talk about an "issue", it is best to do it through email, and of course, very gently.
Why don't you put up a sign about paying someone to take it to the dumpster? Surely, there's a kid or college kid who'd like to make a little extra money. Hell, if I could afford to come to Seattle, I'd clean your whole place for you for free -- all I'd ask is a 6-pack of beer for when I was done!
We Libras just don't handle outbursts of emotion and raised voices very well. They make us feel insecure and they play on our self-esteem issues. For me, it goes back to my crazy, unpredictable mother (thank you Dr. Freud). Whenever she wanted to "talk", it meant that I was going to be left bleeding emotionally, and sometimes physically. I've come a long way, but the abused child in me still lives in terror.
I'd be embarrassed for you to see my place. Truly. It's really bad.
There wouldn't be anyone around here to read a sign. And putting one up would make Jim feel bad.
It'll get done one way or the other. Sometimes I just need to grouse. :-)
Funny (not in a humorous way) about the different reasons for us being nonconfrontational. My childhood home was always so even (except for things with my brother) that I never learned how to deal with trauma. Different paths, similar destination.
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